Conversations with Cari
Religious, But Not Spiritual
by Cari Jackson on 02/14/12
Why don’t we who are steeped in religion fess up? That is, confess that many of us are “religious, but not spiritual.”
When I was a teenager, because I was turned off to God by what I observed in people in my church, I chose to be atheist. Religion led me away from God. After three years of embracing atheism and realizing that wasn’t my truth, I returned full force to Christian religious practice and religious dogma.
During my college years, as I began meeting a range of individuals, across religious traditions and none, from whom I felt wondrous, loving spirit, I began asking God and myself if my religious practices were the only ways for people to live powerful spiritual lives.
In my twenties, as I continued to be turned off by “good church folks” and other religious practitioners, yet enlivened by my encounters with God, I became among the many who proclaim themselves as “spiritual, but not religious.”
Given my proud commitment to this proclamation, I did not welcome the constant push from God for me to become an ordained Christian minister. It took almost twenty years of my kicking and screaming before I finally said yes. Think about it, how could I proudly proclaim that “I hang out with those religious types, but I’m not really one of them,” if I were one of their leaders?
Thank you, Professor Kate Blanchard for your recent article, “Spiritual But Not Religious? Come Talk to Me“ in Religion Dispatches, in which you fess up to being spiritual but not religious. Your article inspired me urge us religious types to be honest and ask ourselves what it is about the teachings, practices, and culture of organized religion that has people running away in droves?
Often, “religious” folks cast blame upon the “spiritual but not religious” folks, saying such things as, “they just want a cafeteria-style spirituality, “ “they just don’t want the responsibilities that come with commitment,” “they just want God to answer their prayers without being expected to bring anything in return,” and so on. But let’s dig deeper and more honestly than that.
What does this expression, “spiritual, but not religious” really tell us? Based on my own use of this expression, I suggest that it tells two things. One, a self-identification as “spiritual” reflects a belief in the existence of and connection to a life force that is bigger than and transcends the physical, rational, and temporal aspects of our lives. A self-identification as spiritual is also an affirmation of a recognition of one’s soul to live a life that is a unique and authentic expression of God, the Divine, the Universe. The proclamation of spiritual is far from being soft, or empty, or meaningless. It is a celebration of the spiritual beings that we are before, during, and after our physical experiences.
Two, a self-definition as “not religious” reveals a rejection of the social norms and structures of organized religion that prescribe how individuals should live, act, speak, eat, engage in sex, and love in a one-size-fits-all approach that suggests a God who created diversity but does not allow for it. “Not religious” is a refusal to live with constant judgment and condemnation of others. “Not religious” is an intentional choice to live with honesty about one’s brokenness rather than the conventional religious approach to pretend as if all is well even when one’s family, finances, worklife, or health are falling apart.
What does all of this mean for me as an ordained Christian minister? Too often, I have seen religious people develop programs, structures, policies, and theologies that shape God in their image. Too often, religious people attempt to control the direction of their place of worship, prayer, and study and insist that God bless their plan. Many religious people pray only when they gather together in community. There is more emphasis on religious dogmas than spiritual deliverance. Some religious people do not want their leaders to be led by the Spirit because it is too disorienting when the Spirit really takes control of our personal lives and our institutions. In short, many of us are “religious, but not spiritual.”
Religious but not spiritual was what Jesus Christ sought to awaken the community from in his day. Religious but not spiritual is prevalent today. Much of how religion, across traditions, is being practiced and promoted today leaves people emotionally broken, spiritually malnourished, and vulnerable to manipulations of terror (religious, social, economic, and political).
I am not suggesting that there are no redeeming (pun intended) qualities about being religious. I do not want us to “throw the baby out with the bath water.” Religious practice, both individually and in community, offers experiences with the Divine that uplift, heal and renew. Religious teachings guide and empower people enabling them in ways to transform their lives that they could not otherwise do. Religion is an incredible resource of hope.
There are many prophecies that the world will end in 2012. It is my hope and my prayer that the separations we have created between the spiritual and the religious would end this year. It is my prayer and my hope that we would create an end to the practice of religion that locks God in gilded sepulchers and that leaves any of God’s children beaten up and left to die. I pray that there would be more inspiration and opportunities for people to be both spiritual and religious in ways that bring life, renew hope and restore peace.
Really allowing the spirit to direct our lives and our religious institutions can be a scary proposition. We never know where the Spirit will take us. The Spirit might change the direction of our lives and our institutions. Or lead us into the belly of a great fish like Jonah. To forgiveness of our enemies and those whose politics are different from our own. To honesty and transparency about our own brokenness, and thus to healing.
Imagine what being spiritual and religious might do in our lives. Prof. Blanchard, let’s meet for tea, and perhaps some others might join us and imagine together.
The Gift of Vulnerability
by Cari Jackson on 02/09/12
Several years ago, my life was filled with so many significant losses and changes for me that for the first time, I was praying for the strength to enter a new year. My fantasy was that a new year would bring something different, something less painful. The losses and changes were in every aspect of my personal and professional life, emotional and physical. No part of my being seemed left untouched by loss and grief. There were times in the year that before I could recover from the grieving and pain of one loss another was upon me. It felt like one tidal wave after another. As I sought the Spirit’s wisdom about how to take care of and nurture myself through these tumultuous times, I decided to give myself a gift. For the past few years, I have been leading a life empowerment group, Finding Joy in Mourning, that helps individuals heal through their grieving. Reeling from all of my own grieving, I decided to ask my colleague and friend, Fred Dennard, to lead the group instead. I just did not have the energy to be in that place with others. Then, I realized that I still needed to do something for myself to actively help my own grieving. And so I decided to be a participant in the group. I received help in identifying the old wounds underlying the surfaces of my current grieving. Making this decision was big for me because it required that I, the group facilitator, pastor, spiritual leader, and etc. etc., allow others to know how deeply I was hurting. Participating in the group required that I be truly vulnerable. The experience was amazing for me in a few ways. First, I got the opportunity to experience activities that I had designed and had led others through. One particular exercise helped me recognize and heal from some life beliefs that had been contributing to and compounding my grief in major ways. Second, I received help in identifying the old wounds underlying the surfaces of my current grieving. This in turn enabled me to heal at deeper levels. Third, because there were so many losses overlapping, I benefited from having a safe space each week to focus on myself in ways that did not allow me to deny or suppress my pain. Because I didn’t deny or suppress, each week I was able to heal more and more. Some important breakthroughs happened for me that I now carry into the rest of my life because I gave myself the gift of being vulnerable with others.
Be Still... At Christmastime?
by Cari Jackson on 12/21/11
It is said in Buddhist practice, “When you don’t know what to do, just sit.” Several years ago, I took a course in Buddhist mindfulness meditation. First, I learned to sit. Then I learned to be still. In the stillness, I came to know aspects of myself I had not discovered before, and I began to flourish in I could not have imagined. In stillness, I’ve gained clarity about what direction to take for my life. The Psalms encourage us to “Be still and know that I am God.” Without stillness, it is difficult to get to know God or self. Without stillness our thoughts, our minds and spirits, our behaviors are more likely to lead us in different directions at the same time, resulting in a sense of fragmentation. Stillness is essential to knowing what is most vital for nurturing our well-being and wholeness. Stillness deepens our capacity to know the things that are most important for living. Why is stillness so hard to experience or maintain? Life is filled with many distractions, especially in our culture that prizes busyness, activity, and productivity. We have expressions like, “The early bird gets the worm.” And “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.” Seeing the rewards given for busyness, we begin to believe that our value and worth are connected with how much we can accomplish in a short period of time. Unintentionally, we may live as if life itself is an assembly line. As I was rewarded for being a multi-task queen, I became addicted to busyness. My addiction to busyness left me unclear about what directions were right for my life in a given situation. When I was unclear I was more likely to become anxious. In a state of anxiety, I was more likely to make fear-based choices not guided by my own Wise Mind or by the Spirit and not serving the highest good for myself or others. If you have become addicted to living your life as if it is an assembly line, and the stress and distress are keeping you from having a more fulfilling and satisfying life, perhaps it’s time for you to be still. In the stillness, you will come to know more fully who you are and what you need. Be still and know.
Imposter Syndrome
by Cari Jackson on 12/19/11
Often I talk with people who express feeling if they are not always perfect, good, and doing the “right” thing, that they won’t be loved. Many of us feel that way. We grew up hearing, “Johnny, if you are a good little boy, you will make Mommy very happy.” “Sara get all A’s, and you’ll get that bike you want.” “God loves a cheerful giver.” Statements like these have led many of us to believe that Daddy’s happiness is dependent upon how good we are. That being the way someone else wants us to be is how we get our needs and desires met. And that God won’t love us if we do not give or if our giving is not done cheerfully.
I spent much of my life believing that if I really wanted to be liked, respected, loved, I had to be the best at whatever I did, meet others’ needs, and smile in the process. I felt that I was not as good or smart, kind or likeable as I tried to present myself being. I often felt like an imposter who lived in fear that if I made a mistake people would discover that I really was not good enough, just as I thought.
You may experience the imposter syndrome when are promoted into a job and privately wonder if you really have the skills and qualifications to do it. When you become the teacher and you are still feeling like a student. When you prescribe a treatment plan for a patient and know that you have not followed your own recommendations. Or when you provide counseling to clients or congregants whose issues closely mirror your own. And in a new romantic relationship, you fear that your partner might discover that you are human, after all, with flaws and insecurities.
You are an awesome child of God. You are a unique expression of the Divine Spirit. Your authentic self is who the world needs.
